The first words I heard this morning:

"Mom!!! Owen pooped all over my floor and I accidentally stepped in it!"

Ugh. Good morning...

This is Tough!

This big-boy-room/bed transition has proven tougher than I hoped it would. We're 2-and-6 now and those two victories feel like they were pretty darn small. I don't think it was this hard when you switched, Caleb. But, then again, you were a few months older than Owen is now and you've always been a little less obstinate. Plus, you weren't switching into a room that already had a big brother in it. It's a bonus! He gets a big boy bed and a built-in playmate all in one! It's got to be tough, I just wish it was going more smoothly - for your sake and mine! [I went in to quiet O - again - during nap time this afternoon and he was perched as high and close to you as he could get saying, "Caleb! Caleb! Hey, Caleb...!" You, my poor big boy, had pulled the covers over your head and were trying your hardest to ignore him so that you wouldn't get in trouble for being noisy, too.]

Regardless of the rough patches we're traveling, you're both such precious boys and I love you so much. [Even though I feel like wringing your necks most of the time lately!] Our house and our family have been gearing up for big changes lately and I'm proud of both of you for handling it so well. To be honest, you've both been behaving with more grace and patience than I have! You are good, good boys and I love you!

Bye Bye Baby!

Hello, Big Boy!

My little Owen, you're getting to be SO big. Tonight you're going to spend your first night in a big boy bed, in your big boy room, with your big brother. It feels like I was just rocking and nursing you yesterday and then I blinked. What happened?

This is definitely a bitter sweet development. You, of course, couldn't be more excited. For months, every time we've said it's time to go to bed you 1) protest and then 2) go running into Caleb's room and climb onto the bottom bunk. In theory, you're ready. There is this whole bigger issue, though, of the freedom that you're suddenly going to have and whether or not you're going to be able to handle it well. That's the part that makes Mommy and Daddy nervous! Take this morning, for instance. Here I sit, enjoying the peace and quiet in my house. It's 8:30 and Caleb is quietly watching cartoons in the other room, Zach is still savoring his day to sleep in and you are still in your crib. You're awake, but playing quietly and happily. In my mind, this is bliss. Tomorrow, though, could be a whole new world. The second your eyes pop open, you'll have the freedom to climb out of bed on your own. Once you're a little older it won't be bad, because you'll probably be more interested in doing things like big brother - either playing in your room or watching cartoons. For now, though, you want to be right in the middle of everything Mommy and Daddy are doing. So, if we're trying to enjoy our last few moments of lingering in bed, I'm sure there'll be nothing you'll want to do more than:

a) bounce on top of us
b) burrow under the covers
c) pull open the curtains
d) all of the above (i.e. the most likely to occur)

I'm sure we'll have our rough moments, but before I know it, they'll pass and you'll be a pro at being my big boy. My mommihood mantra that's gotten me through more than a few breaking points has been that "this, too, shall pass". The thing is, though, it's a catch 22. At times like these I also have to remember that everything is passing - the challenges and the good. Neither are going away, entirely, just changing. Some new challenge is sure to rear its ugly head. Some new big boy accomplishment will bring us joy. (Potty training, maybe? No pressure...or maybe just a little!)

Anyways. I love you so, my little O. You're finally calling for me..."Momma, Mommy! I so 'wake! Let's go! My grow up!" (It's how you refer to getting up in the morning.) Sigh...this is happening way too fast. Here I come, Precious!

Break my heart...

...why don't ya?

Owen, you've gone to day care 4 times now. It's a great place with wonderful people, fun toys and a great environment. Each time you've gone, though, I've had to physically hand you over to someone and walk out the door while you cry for me. I don't know if I've ever felt anything worse. I want to burst into tears and run back to get you, but I know that neither action would help either one of us.

People say that you'll stop this behavior, but I'm not so sure. You still do the same thing every Sunday when I take you to the nursery. Each time, at church and day care, they say that it only takes about a minute before you're completely calm, happy and playing. I'm not sure why you do it. Just for attention? Do you really want me? You're always SO busy enjoying yourself at play when I return. I actually even have a hard time getting you out of there. So why the torment, Precious? I'm glad this will only be necessary for the next few months. I know we both need some time on my own every once in a while, but I think this might be too high a price to pay.

You're breaking my heart!

I Wanna Hold Your Hand

I'm slowly becoming aware of the fact that some day you boys won't want to call me Mommy, you won't want to give me goodbye kisses and you won't want to cuddle in my lap. I know it'll be because you're doing other awesome, big-guy things and I know it won't mean that you'll need me any less. But, nevertheless, I have to admit it brings a hard, hot lump to the back of my throat that's hard to swallow.

That's why I find myself holding out my hand as often as I can. Sometimes you take it, sometimes you're too busy running and being free. But, I figure I've got to take the chance. And, oh, those glorious times when I'm rewarded with a warm, pudgy, sometimes-sticky hand in mine...I wish I'd never have to let go.

A Morning Without Clouds

Every time we've had to pick a baby name, it's been hard. What a huge decision! I think, out of all three names, though, we had the hardest time choosing your name, Owen. I loved the sound of it. It was beautiful and sweet, just like I knew you'd be. For all the right reasons, though, your Daddy loves choosing biblical names. He really likes names with really strong, prophetic meanings.

Even though your name wasn't from the Bible, though, I don't think it could have fit you more perfectly.

Owen - Distinguished. Pleasant to look upon.

At the time, it seemed like a shallow choice - good looking. It turns out [just like we'd suspected], though, that you're that and SO much more.

The scripture that goes with your name is 2 Samuel 23:4.

And he shall be like the light of the morning when the sun rises,
a morning without clouds,
like the brightness after rain
that brings the tender grass from the earth.

I don't know how many times I've had to stop, laugh and appreciate just how much you affect people.

This morning, you helped me run some errands. We had to go to Sam's Club to get a few things. You really like that store, in particular, because you can always hear the beeping of the forklifts. You call them "trucks" and desperately want to see them in action. We usually can't find them, as they're working in some off-limits area, but today was your lucky day. We got to stop and watch a forklift at work. Your mouth hung open as you watched in amazement. You could have stood there, in our basket, and watched all day long. [Actually, probably not. I wouldn't have been surprised if you'd asked to climb right up into the driver's seat.] Anyways, we were able to watch for a minute, but then the driver stopped so we could go on our way. I told him that we'd wait, because you really enjoyed watching, but we ended up needing to move because we were in the way. As we walked by, you held up your hand in a wave and hollered [at the top of your lungs], "Bye, Truck Guy!" He heard you and stopped his work so he could return your wave, with a big smile on his face. That wasn't enough for you, though. You had to continue to wave and holler your goodbyes until we were at the other end of the store - a very, very large store. In your special, Owen-way, you made his day.

You do this over and over again and it blesses me almost as much as it blesses the people around you. I pray that you will always be my morning without clouds.

You're Too Much!

Caleb, you never cease to amaze me. You are so brilliant, so funny and so kind. Earlier this week I wasn't feeling well, so I laid down on the couch in the living room to rest. You wouldn't play until you pulled the blinds to darken the room for me and you brought me your most special pillow and blanket for me to use. You kept asking if there was anything else you could do for me. You, dear Caleb, are so precious.

It's a good thing you were so kind. You needed to earn some brownie points with Mommy, because just the other night, when Daddy was tucking you into bed, you told him: "Mommy is going to be the first one of us to go to heaven, because she's the biggest AND the oldest." Thank you, Sweet Boy. I love you, too.

My favorite times are when you know that you're being outrageously silly. You try to keep a straight face, but you have the hardest time not cracking a smile. You just keep forging on with your outlandish stories, all the while with a twinkle in your eye and a grin just dying to stretch across your whole face. You're such a goofball.

The other day I was cleaning my desk and came across a piece of paper that I'd stashed. It had a list of [more] names that you'd proposed for baby brother:

Lisa [This was before we knew it was a boy.]
Matt
Lincolnstein Taylor [You'd just learned about Abe Lincoln at school.]
Fireball

I love your creativity and silliness, but, for your brother's sake, I'm pretty sure we'll have to chose a name ourselves.

I love you, my big guy!