Unconditional Love

un.con.di.tion.al

[uhn-kuhn-dish-uh-nl]

-adjective.

1. not limited by conditions; absolute.

Never in my life have I had such clear, frequent examples of forgiveness and unconditional love as I have since becoming a mother. Until that time, I had also never quite realized my own capacity for losing my patience and becoming an eye-bulging, vein-popping monster. It has taken me quite by surprise.

I think my whole understanding of unconditional love is changing.

I have always tended to look at love with a "big picture" mindset. For instance, in my relationship with Zach, I am 100% confident in his love for me and my love for him. So, whenever we're not seeing eye-to-eye (which doesn't happen often, but it still does from time to time), I always draw comfort from the fact that no matter what things feel like right now, I know that we are always going to be okay in the long run - because we love each other and are committed to each other. We will always work out our problems and any temporary differences we have will always fade away (sooner rather than later, because we hate wasting our time together by being upset) because, in the big scheme of things, we love each other.

It's the same way with the boys. I can most definitely say that I don't always love their behavior. I don't always love their attitudes, but I ABSOLUTELY always love them...all. the. time. That will never change.

In my mind, that was unconditional love. But, like I said, I think my understanding is beginning to change.

Unconditional love is love that isn't limited by conditions.

Its power and effectiveness is not lessened or diminished based on what's going on NOW.

Love isn't just a "big picture" or an after-the-storm-blows-over fail safe. It just isn't. Of course it's always there - especially in my life. I feel it all the time. But, I'm starting to believe that the measure of my love has more to do with how I behave in the midst. Yes, I love my boys always, but what do I look like when they're in the middle of a tantrum or an act of disobedience? Am I able to ACT effectively in the situation, rather than simply RE-acting? No. I can't. With lightning speed, I am taken over by the Hyde in me. I want that to change. I'm starting to realize that firm but loving action on my part will always produce better results than simply trying to control situations and events.

So, can I do it? Nope. Definitely not on my own. I'm just not that loving, kind or patient. Thankfully, I know someone who is. So, I think I'll try letting him take the wheel more often, especially when **it is hitting the fan.

I'll let you know how it goes...

PS...you should probably know that, since I have three boys, when I say that **it is hitting the fan, it may very well be **it that I'm referring to, rather than me just waxing poetic. Between having a potty-training (almost) 3-year-old and a newborn that holds it all day so he can surprise mommy with one grand explosion each day, I am completely overwhelmed with how much **it I am coming into contact with each day. Yikes. Isn't life grand? (Yes. It most certainly is!)