The Saga Continues

I really, really hope this isn't any sort of three-strikes-you're-out situation, because today was the third day in a row without a parting 'I LOVE YOU' from Caleb. He was in such a good mood this morning that I was sooo hoping today everything would be back to normal. Alas, it wasn't.

I know I could say something about it to him and he would gladly resume his old goodbye ritual, if he knew how very special it was to me. But, I just don't want to. It brings to mind the whole free will question - is it really REAL and heartfelt if it was coerced? I don't think so. As much as I long to see his smiling face and that little hand stretching up to say 'I LOVE YOU', I want it to be legit. So. This will be the last post documenting this unfortunate development. But, here's hoping that before long I can report back that The Love has returned.

Update: No Lovin'

So, I was burned again today. Left feeling rejected and disappointed - no 'I LOVE YOU' sign from Caleb, again.

Thankfully, there was no girl at fault today. I know that should provide some level of relief, but I'm not so sure I feel any better. While he was barreling out of the car this morning, one of his friends was nearby, so he just slammed the door and took off running. He was feeling the urge to get down to the business of play as quickly as possible and, paramount to any biological or emotional need to make even the briefest of connections with his Mommy, he got right to it.

Darn it.

I think that might make me feel even more nervous than the 'girl' interloper. I know there will always be girls and they'll come and go. Thankfully, right now we're still in the stage of girls-are-a-mystery. There are little groups of boys on the playground hiding snickering whispers of "So-and-so kissed a GIRL!" behind their dirty, little boy hands. But, for the most part, the whole idea of 'girlfriend' is still completely innocent and elusive.

[Thank God!]

But, what happened today feels more like an indicator of business and distraction than anything else. And that makes me sad. I think I'll choose to keep this experience close by as a reminder of how I treat Caleb - am I sometimes too distracted and busy to flash him an 'I LOVE YOU'? It never takes long, but it's amazing how very important it is to establish that connection, to reaffirm someone special and to remind them of how much they mean to you.

[As an aside: Sometimes, when we're walking to the car from his class, I'll stick my hand out for Caleb to hold. More often than not, as long he's not bounding around in the bushes, he'll absentmindedly take my hand. It's bliss. It rarely fails, though, that shortly after I've got his hand in mine, he realizes, "Crud. I'm holding my Mom's hand." Awkwardness ensues, but only for him. I cherish every second of walking hand-in-hand with my big guy - no matter how dirty his hands are!]

And, while we're on the subject of my boys and girls... This is what Owen chose to wear a few weeks ago:

His explanation went a little something like this:

Owen: Mom!! [with major exasperation and eye rolling] I want to wear my button shirt and tie because I'm going to a dance tonight and I need to be dressed up!

Mom: Okay, Buddy, that's fine. [Who am I to argue with dressing up for a dance?]

Owen: Isaiah's girlfriend is going to be there and she's bringing a date!

Mom: Oh, really? Who is this date she's bringing?

Owen: Me!!!

No Love For Me Today

Day-to-day life is, more or less, a series of routines that we repeat at nauseam. Yes, there are often hiccups and bumps in the road that cause delay, way-lays and complete detours. The routines come and go and change with the seasons - of the year AND of life. For the most part, though, each day has a certain amount of predictability that I enjoy.

One of our current routines is dropping Caleb off at school. We get ready at the same frantic pace, we drive the same route, we do the same things (more or less) 5 days out of every week. My absolute favorite part of our routine is after you, my dear Caleb, get out of the car. You hop out of the rear, passenger-side door. You usually tumble out like a clumsy waterfall spilling over an obstacle in its path - forcefully, with your backpack swinging from your back and some sort of hat in hand. [Baseball cap, derby hat, beanie - you name it, you wear it.] After we say our 'goodbyes' and 'have a good days', you compose yourself and get the door closed. And, here comes my favorite part - you've always stretched one arm up to the passenger window to sign to me an 'I LOVE YOU' in sign language. All I can see is the end of your arm and your face from chin-up flashing me a sweet smile. You started this routine all on your own and it makes me smile and feel SO special every time.

Well. Not today. I didn't get an 'I LOVE YOU' today. While you were mid-spill-out-the-door today, I heard you holler, "Hey, there's Madison!" You slammed the door and took off running without so much as a farewell glance over your shoulder. Who is this Madison? As far as I could tell, she was the brown haired little girl sporting the turquoise skirt, pink headband and shiny, silver sandals that was hop-skipping her way onto the playground.

[Pardon me, but this can't be helped...]

DARN YOU, MADISON!!!

Even if only for today, you have stolen the love, affection and attention that is rightfully mine from my precious Caleb and I didn't like it one bit! I imagine that this was just one of those unforeseen hiccups and that everything will be back to normal tomorrow. But, the whole thing reeked with an ominous foreboding for our future that I just can't say that I'm okay with.

I know that some day there will be a special lady in your life that trumps your Mommy, and I'm okay with that. It will be a good thing, I'm sure. But, by some day I'm thinking when you're 23, at least! So, for the next 17 years or so, I'd better still be #1 in your book, Pal, and don't you forget it!