What a Sweet, Little Man

You, my dear Caleb, are a Momma's boy - and I love it. A few weeks ago, you went with your Daddy to run some errands and you brought this beautiful bouquet home for me. I assumed your Daddy had something to do with it. Quite honestly, though, he admitted that all he did was pay for them. While you were out, you asked if you could please get some flowers for me and that you would use your own money. You didn't have enough, but Daddy was happy to help out, since you were making such a nice and thoughtful gesture.

I loved your smile when you gave them to me. You know I love surprises and you were so proud that you had thought of such a wonderful surprise for me. You can tell when you're doing something good that is going to make me extra happy. You get a shy little look that hides behind your smile. When it's time for you big boys to put your laundry away each week, you load Owen's laundry into the basket for me after you finish, just because you know it blesses me. YOU bless me. In big ways and in small, you bless me, just by being you.

You're more than half way through your first year in school and it has been absolutely amazing watching you grow and learn. You're starting to read and write. You love writing sentences, making up songs and drawing - and you do a great job! Your creativity is incredible. It doesn't matter what you're doing, you never fail to impress your audience.

I don't know how many times [because it has been too many to count] that I've looked at you lately and felt a pang in my heart because of how grown up you are. You just seem so big, grown up and self sufficient - and you're only in Kindergarten. It makes me wonder what it's going to be like when you're in third grade and then in seventh. Yikes. I can't even think beyond that, because I know it'll be here FAR too soon.

Whenever I think about how fast you're growing, I always think back to when you were a baby. I remember so clearly the time when you were a super-fussy, hard-to-please, colicky baby. It was SO hard and I felt so ill-equipped to care for you. The books I read said that you'd stop being so fussy when you were about six weeks old. Knowing that didn't help a bit. In the middle of it all, I could only keep rocking and bouncing you while I cried, because it seemed like you'd NEVER be six weeks old. Now you're six years old. You're going to be seven this summer and I hardly know where the time has gone.

It's flying...

You are a precious boy, Caleb, and I love you so very much!

You Made Me Laugh So Hard I Cried

A post chronicling some of the daily [and sometimes hourly] antics of Owen Jerome, or as we like to call him - Owie J, is long overdue. You, dear son, are a wonder. You constantly leave your Daddy and I at a loss, either because of your ferocious attitude, your insane shenanigans or your incredible sweetness. Sound like contradictions? They are. You are. One minute you're high, the next you're low. One minute you're angry, the next you're sweeter than sugar. You can shift gears in an instant and, like I said, it oftentimes leaves me feeling lost. Lost, but also completely addicted. You are completely unique and wonderful and perfect - even when you're crazy.

You've become quite obsessed with growing bigger lately. I often explain to you that you need to eat lots of healthy food and get lots of exercise and rest to grow bigger and stronger. After almost every meal, you ask, "Am I bigger now?" I know you're in a hurry. But, for your poor Mama's sake, would you mind slowing down just a bit? You've also been quite focused on your muscles lately, too, and for good reason, I'd say. They really are quite amazing. The other day I caught you staring down a little boy in the mall while you flexed your muscles at him. Yikes. Settle down there, Hot Shot!

Not a day goes by that isn't touched by some sort of Owen weirdness. It's sometimes maddening, always crazy silly and definitely makes life fun. You are never without a surprise, or two or three, up your sleeve!

This was you donning some cheer while we were shopping for a few new Christmas decorations for our tree. You felt like you looked quite smashing, and I agree!

This is how you wanted to dress to go to the daycare at the gym a few weeks ago. I was afraid the tie was going to get lost and I could have made you take it off, but how could I resist such a corny, little smile from such a handsome chap?

Your hair is getting really long and, thanks to the super sticky hair goo that your Momo gave you for Christmas, you can rock a really mean faux-hawk. I let you wear one to church yesterday. The pastors' oldest son will sometimes sport a faux-hawk of his own and as soon as we got to church yesterday, you ran up to him and yelled, "My mohawk is bigger than yours! Ha! Ha!"

Little did we know, you were just warming up your engines for the craziness that was to come later in the day. We had some dear friends [Chris, Jane & Haven] over for dinner. We were sitting around enjoying some coffee and cookies when I remembered to tell Jane about you staring down the little boy in the mall. Being a fairly combative and aggressive girl herself, I knew Jane would appreciate the story. You were standing nearby, so after the story I asked if you could show Auntie Jane your muscles. You looked at me with the, "Mom, do I have to?", look of sudden and completely un-characteristic shyness. It surprised me, because you usually have NO problem absorbing quite a bit of lime light. You started shrinking down to the floor and really had me stunned. "How weird that he's not taking full advantage of the spotlight!" Little did I know, though, that you were improvising an even MORE impressive muscle display than normal by taking a knee right down by her chair. You looked up at her and gave her the biggest flex I've seen to date! We all got quite a laugh. I thanked you and your Daddy promptly reminded you, "Yeah, Buddy. Remember, though, that flexing is really just for the girls." [I think he was trying to avoid more muscle showdowns like we'd experienced in the mall.] Chris was prompt to agree and told him, "Yep. You should flex for Haven." We all figured the main event was over, but lightning fast, Owen hopped up, ran around the table and dropped down on to his knee in front of Chris' not-quite-two-year-old, Haven. "Hey, Haven! Check this out!" Again, with the impressive display. I'm sure you get the picture. It was hilarious! I was completely aghast and at awe! Much to my dismay, you are rarely that prompt and agreeable to do anything that is requested of you. When it came to winning the affections of a pretty little lady, though, you were definitely hot to trot.

So, yikes!! I'm confident that these are just the first of many similar episodes sure to come. I have to say I'm quite glad and honored to occupy a front-row-seat to enjoy the show that is O. Your Daddy and I are quite taken by you, Little Man!

A Cheap Impostor, Some False Hope & The Ultimate Compliment

In your stroller @ the library.

My Sweet Nathan. You are getting so big so fast. [19.2 lbs, to be exact!]

You're 9 1/2 months old now and you have started so many new things just in the last 4 weeks. You sit up like a pro, you do a mean army-crawl and you're getting faster every day, you popped out two beautiful teeth without a fuss, you're going gung-ho on solid foods. It's amazing. YOU'RE amazing!

From the very beginning, you have been a champion nurser. You are all business and you make no bones about letting people know. You'll even stop to glare at your daddy if he tries to interrupt you mid-meal. You're too funny.

I nursed both of your big brothers for about nine months but then they both started to lose interest, my supply wained and then it was over. I was SO hoping that I'd get a little extra time with you. [Not creepy long, mind you, but still. I'd gladly take a few more months.] But, alas, it seems like our nursing days may be coming to an end. You're definitely not losing interest, but my supply just can't keep up with you. All your moving and shaking is churning up quite an impressive appetite!

Since I could tell that weaning is on the horizon, I bought a canister of formula and tried giving you your first bottle of formula last Saturday. Both of your brothers were pros at taking bottles. You, on the other hand, have made it quite clear on several prior occasions that a bottle just doesn't meet your standards. Whether you get nice, warm milk or not, that bottle is a cheap impostor and you would really, REALLY rather not resort to such a desperate measure. But, Saturday was different. It was a breeze! You snuggled right up to me, looked me in the eyes and gulped it right down. No problem! I laid you down for a nap and promptly went to sing your praises to Daddy - because you really are an amazing little guy.

But, it seems you aren't prepared to give up quite so easily. [Darn it!] That one blessedly simple formula feeding was your first and your last. Ever since you have refused to take a bottle. Apparently you aren't willing to give up without a fight. Where does that leave us? Well. You are slightly hungry. I am slightly frustrated. I think we're just going to have to keep at it until you decide that maybe your standards are a little bit unrealistic. [Although I do think anyone that cute really should get their way.]

So. Like I said, I'm frustrated. I'm trying not to think too much about weaning you, because I don't want to. You're my baby and everything you do for the last time is something that I will be doing for the last time, too. If I think about it too much I'm going to end up soaking my keyboard while I type. I have to move on and know that every last comes with another first and that you're more and more incredible each and every day - it's just the way it was with your brothers. But still, harder with you. Will you please, please always be my baby?

In the mean time, I'm trying to down-play my frustration by realizing that you are really just giving me the ultimate compliment. After all, how special does it make a person feel when someone they love shows them that they are #1? That absolutely, without-a-doubt no other thing or person could ever take their place? It feels darn special and I'm so happy to be your preferred milk-delivery method. I love you, Little One!

Could I Have That In Writing, Please?

When I drop Caleb off at school in the mornings, we drive right past Eldorado High School. This morning, as we drove past a few saggy pants-ed guys that were standing on the sidewalk, this is the conversation that ensued:

Caleb: Mom, there's something so weird that I don't understand.

Me: What's that, Buddy?

Caleb: I don't know why teenagers want to wear pants that show their butts to everyone.

Me: I have NO idea. Will you promise me that you'll never wear your pants that way?

Caleb: No way!!! I'll never wear jeans that show my butt!

Owen: [with a very Bevis & Butthead style laugh] Hee hee hee! I'm gonna show my butt to everybody!

So much to say!

So much to say, so much to say... [Aagh...Dave Matthews Band. Always good.]

It's been a long time. As usual, my lapse in posting does NOT mean that I've had a lack of things to post about. It's actually quite the opposite. Just too much going on. I have a whole list of excuses as to why I haven't been posting, but I know what excuses are like - everyone has them and they all stink. That's why I prefer to think of my list as more of an explanation of why...

1) We were thinking about moving back into the mountains. The urge comes and goes, but this time the urge was equipped with a really great house that we all fell in love with. A big lot, a flower meadow across the street, great views of the mountains, amazing front and back porches... Aagh... It was darn tempting and after LOTS of prayers and deliberation we decided to go for it - only to have the whole thing turn weird on us. We had to walk away from the deal, so there goes that plan.

Why did that keep me from posting? Because in the panic of "we're going to have to list our house - and FAST", we came up with a super long list of things that needed attention around the house. Lots of those things were painting projects, which is my area of expertise. I picked new colors for the trim and the front of the house and dove into the job full force. Now, it's about 55% done and I haven't picked up a paintbrush in weeks. We aren't listing the house anymore, so what's the rush? I keep hoping there's some sort of painting fairy that will appear and finish the job for me, but I'm starting to have my doubts. I don't think it's going to happen. Darn it.

2) My computer has been running slow. And when I say slow, I mean really, really sloooowwww. I know we're living in an age where we've become accustomed to having information at the tip of our fingers in split seconds and that anything longer feels unacceptable. But really. I'm not exaggerating. I'm not sure what's wrong, but it's downright painful. It's particularly slow when I have iPhoto open. I don't know if it's because my computer is getting darn old or because there's upwards of 5,000 pictures in my iPhoto library, but... Blogging just isn't as fun when I can't ad pictures, so what's the point?

3) We've just been stinkin' busy. Busy having fun and loving life, though, so no complaints here!

My computer is behaving relatively well today [knock on wood], so here's a sort of photo list of things you may have missed out on over the last month or so...

My amazing and ever-sacrificying hubby gave up his motorcycle [a man's man dream machine] so that we could get a big hick truck and a pop-up camper [also super cool, just in a slightly less testosterone-filled way]. We've taken the boys for two family camping trips so far and it's been GREAT fun!

Caleb started kindergarten at SY Jackson Elementary. Being the weirdo that he is, he insisted on my taking his picture with his backpack on backwards. "Otherwise you can't see my Lobo backpack." He's loving school and doing great. He's learning to count by tens, add numbers, write all the letters and sound out words. He's amazing!

Owen turned 3! [I was waiting for him to outgrow the Terrible Twos. Now I can't wait for him to outgrow the Terrible Threes. Sigh...]

Zach did a super spectacular flip dismount off his mountain bike. Thank God for his helmet. It lost a chunk off the side, but thankfully Zach's face remained mostly intact. He had some rock-rash, a fairly impressive black eye and 7 stitches, but it could have been much, much worse!

Nathan outgrew his bouncer seat...

...only to be introduced to his jumper, which he loooves! [Look at those thighs. Edible!]

We woke up super early one morning in early October so the boys could see two hot air balloons inflate [up close] at Caleb's school. I'm not sure what was more exciting - the balloons or the hot cocoa and chocolate donuts they got to eat for breakfast, but we all had fun!

Owen really enjoyed the balloons, but I think his favorite part [and mine] was when he discovered how much fun he could have while doing somersaults head-first down a pretty big hill!

Nathan discovered that noses make a really great chew toy. [This is particularly fun for the chew-ie, especially once your nostrils fill with drool!]

Owen decided that he prefers to wear his shirts "like Hercules". Plus, he's super impressed with his muscles lately, as am I!

The three little guys, Momo [my mom] and I went to McCall's Pumpkin Patch for a field trip with Caleb's school. We climbed the hay pyramid [that's Caleb, Owen and I waaaay at the top], went on a hay ride, picked pumpkins directly from the patch, found our way through a corn maze... It was a great day!

Nathan got to try his first cereal. The verdict? Mmmm.... Yummy!

Caleb dressed up as Obi Wan Kenobi for halloween. He was so dashing with his drawn-on beard. My favorite part was when he pointed to his chest and said, "Mom! You forgot the hairs that go here!"

Owen dressed up as Buzz Lightyear for halloween. He wanted the wings SO badly and then, after I spent an entire day making them, he only wore them for exactly the 10 seconds that it took me to take this picture. Darn it.

Nathan dressed up as a teddy bear. Oh my goodness! I didn't think it was possible for him to be any cuter or more cuddly than normal, but put the guy in a bear suit and he'll blow your mind!

So, like I said, we've been busy...

How'd it go?

Today I tried to walk the walk - as far as showing love in the midst [of chaos] goes.

[If you don't know what I'm talking about, read the Unconditional Love post first.]

So, how'd it go? It went well! Today, I actually managed to make it through an entire day of being at home with three sick-ish boys and I didn't lose it - not even once. That doesn't mean that there weren't any tantrums or fits. Oh, boy, were there! But, I was able to act with an element of control and calm that was completely foreign. Why? Because it sure as heck wasn't coming from me. But I can tell you that it sure was welcome. I think the boys even noticed it, too.

The secret of the success? I really think it was throwing up my hands, giving up and knowing from the get-go that it was a completely impossible task. If you're up against something that you know 100%, without-a-doubt that you can't possibly do, it's not hard to expect the very minimum from yourself. If, however, you know that you've got someone in your corner that is 100% capable and, well, perfect, then it's easy to take a deep breath, slow down and know that the pressure is off. Isn't it a relief to be carried? It takes so much less effort to take on the impossible tasks when you simply stop trying to do it on your own. And the best part? You actually start seeing results - succeeding rather than failing miserably. Amazing, no?

Unconditional Love

un.con.di.tion.al

[uhn-kuhn-dish-uh-nl]

-adjective.

1. not limited by conditions; absolute.

Never in my life have I had such clear, frequent examples of forgiveness and unconditional love as I have since becoming a mother. Until that time, I had also never quite realized my own capacity for losing my patience and becoming an eye-bulging, vein-popping monster. It has taken me quite by surprise.

I think my whole understanding of unconditional love is changing.

I have always tended to look at love with a "big picture" mindset. For instance, in my relationship with Zach, I am 100% confident in his love for me and my love for him. So, whenever we're not seeing eye-to-eye (which doesn't happen often, but it still does from time to time), I always draw comfort from the fact that no matter what things feel like right now, I know that we are always going to be okay in the long run - because we love each other and are committed to each other. We will always work out our problems and any temporary differences we have will always fade away (sooner rather than later, because we hate wasting our time together by being upset) because, in the big scheme of things, we love each other.

It's the same way with the boys. I can most definitely say that I don't always love their behavior. I don't always love their attitudes, but I ABSOLUTELY always love them...all. the. time. That will never change.

In my mind, that was unconditional love. But, like I said, I think my understanding is beginning to change.

Unconditional love is love that isn't limited by conditions.

Its power and effectiveness is not lessened or diminished based on what's going on NOW.

Love isn't just a "big picture" or an after-the-storm-blows-over fail safe. It just isn't. Of course it's always there - especially in my life. I feel it all the time. But, I'm starting to believe that the measure of my love has more to do with how I behave in the midst. Yes, I love my boys always, but what do I look like when they're in the middle of a tantrum or an act of disobedience? Am I able to ACT effectively in the situation, rather than simply RE-acting? No. I can't. With lightning speed, I am taken over by the Hyde in me. I want that to change. I'm starting to realize that firm but loving action on my part will always produce better results than simply trying to control situations and events.

So, can I do it? Nope. Definitely not on my own. I'm just not that loving, kind or patient. Thankfully, I know someone who is. So, I think I'll try letting him take the wheel more often, especially when **it is hitting the fan.

I'll let you know how it goes...

PS...you should probably know that, since I have three boys, when I say that **it is hitting the fan, it may very well be **it that I'm referring to, rather than me just waxing poetic. Between having a potty-training (almost) 3-year-old and a newborn that holds it all day so he can surprise mommy with one grand explosion each day, I am completely overwhelmed with how much **it I am coming into contact with each day. Yikes. Isn't life grand? (Yes. It most certainly is!)